i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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