So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
