girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
