Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
