dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
