At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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