1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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