You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just pee around me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
