She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
