it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
