dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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