i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
