What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
