Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
