Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
