Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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