Your mouth is God's brothel.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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