Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
