Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
