i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
