Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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