She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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