He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
