im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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