just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
