We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
