So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
