you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
