ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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