I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
