Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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