It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
