Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
