I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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