i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
