i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
