i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
