If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
