I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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