i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
