i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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