She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
