She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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