hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
