It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
time to smoke my breakfast
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
