the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
