I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
