I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
