dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
