Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Your dad touched me again.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
