I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
