What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
my liver is dry heaving
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
