Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
