my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
