She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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